I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
