Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
