There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
