...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everyone is single if you try hard enough
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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