I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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