Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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