I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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