Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
