i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
