Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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