I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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