dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
