I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
