I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
