She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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