Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
