The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Boobs are out for the taking
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
