I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
