i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
