You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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