Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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