Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
