cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
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