i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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