I want to have your abortion
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
