I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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