Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
