i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
