was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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