i can't believe i had my finger in that
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
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