He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
