Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
