i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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