Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
