That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
