this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
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I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
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I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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