this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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