I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize