A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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