I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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