pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
