My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
