People with herpes should wear stickers.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
