I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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