Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
