He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
