Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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