i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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