Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
