I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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