Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Panties = found
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