I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
