Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
He shit in the fireplace
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
