what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
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