i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
