i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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