i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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