you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
We need to get me chipped asap
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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