Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
