its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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