Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
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He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
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She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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