i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
