i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
