It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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