are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
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a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
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You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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