I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
